You may -and it’s an outside chance, certainly- be familiar with the success-ravening behemoth that is Pokémon. Should you cautiously thrust your head out from the confines of your urine-smelling hermit-cave, you’ll discover that these guys have permeated popular culture to an extent rivaled only by Harry Potter, Justin Bieber and other irritating little celebrity ballaches. The deft mix of accessibility and deceptive combat depth has encouraged all ages to indulge in the sport of kings (to wit: coercing lumpen mutated wildlife to pummel the groins of other lumpen mutated wildlife), and it is also this very quality that has earned this specific entry in the series the not-even-remotely-coveted Game of the Week award. Pokémon Pearl was released for the DS in 2007. As is… Read More »
Game of the Week: Wake-up Club
Yes indeed, my brethren! Cork your anus, hold your nose and try not to spontaneously cumbust with excitement at the prospect of Wake-up Club. How, prithee, has a humble alarm clock application made it into the hallowed halls of the Game of the Week entries? Because of the words I’m about to propel from the ballista of excitement straight into your eager eyeballs, that’s why. This odd little application is another entry in PlayStation Vita’s series of peculiar lifestyle downloads (alongside such strange shenanigans as Travel Bug and Ecolibrium). It is, quoth the developers on the game’s loading screen, an alarm application which allows club members to help each other wake up… a new way of communicating with others around the world. Because who hasn’t… Read More »
Game of the Week: Soul Sacrifice
In this installment, we have something perilously close to… an actual notable exclusive for PlayStation Vita (I know! Try and retain control of your sphincter at that crazy thought)! There can be no doubt that the console has been floundering almost as ineffectually as a simpleton fish after a fin-ectomy of late. This is largely due to the great dearth of balls-out, only on PlayStation Vita mighty wonder-games. Is Soul Sacrifice a true ‘killer app’ for the Vita? Join us for a look at this creepy tale. This youthful, spritely title was released this very week by Marvellous AQL. It’s a loosely-defined action RPG (loose enough to damn well drop right off and roll under the desk, never to be seen again, come to that,… Read More »
Game of the Week: Retro City Rampage
Retro City Rampage harkens back to the carefree days of yore, when Grand Theft Auto consisted of mangling tiny, indistinct Elvis impersonators ‘neath the mighty wheels of your blurry Volkswagen Beetle. It’s a top-down-y, free-roam-y crime ‘em up, an 8-bit homage to Rockstar’s much-ballyhooed franchise. Cork your buttocks, grab your prostitute-bat, and let’s take a look. This extravaganza of parodies was released by Vblank entertainment last year, for each of the consoles’ download services. It brings us the story of an anonymous, mulleted (this being a mockery of eighties and nineties culture as well) miscreant, dubbed only ‘The Player.’ As you would expect of the game’s Grand Theft Auto mocking sensibilities, there is a sandbox city at your disposal, with missions to access as you… Read More »
Game of the Week: Tekken 3
I’d venture that Tekken is among the most acclaimed franchises in the Fightingsphere. In the popularity stakes, it has been in an eternal state of mutual fist-to-the-groin rivalry with Street Fighter since the Nineties. The third installment of the former, a PlayStation release from 1998, is most certainly my favourite; and frequently regarded as the pinnacle of the series. Why? Gorge yourself on the glorious word-ery assembled before your very eyeballs below, and you’ll know. It didn’t attain its much-ballyhooed status for its story, that’s for sure (not that any fighting game ever has, but we shan’t get pernickety there). Another Iron Fist Tournament is afoot, against a demented backdrop of the Michima family’s antics. This time, Heihachi is cruising about in an ancient ruin… Read More »
Game of the Week: Luigi’s Mansion- Dark Moon
You may recall Luigi’s Mansion, a rather odd little confection from the Gamecube’s launch (you had better, at any rate, lest I encroach on your home in the witching hour and smite your gonads with a trowel for your lack of respect for Nintendo’s cult classics). It was hardly the much-ballyhooed next generation Mushroom Kingdom caper that many may have hoped for from the new console, and it could be beaten in a few fleeting hours, but it was a revelation nonetheless. Hideous ballaches like Mario is Missing aside, Luigi’s Mansion marked his first foray into territory wildly disparate from anything Mario has done. A halfwitted green palette swap he is not. Any more. After a decade of prayer, general internet whining and flaming sacks… Read More »
Game of the Week: Metroid Prime Hunters
Samus Aran’s first foray onto the Nintendo DS was an odd little confection indeed. Released in 2006, it’s a bizarre hybrid of the much-acclaimed Metroid adventure style and an online FPS. If two wildly disparate video game genres spent a romantic night in a sleazy motel, Metroid Prime Hunters would have surely been the lumpen lovechild that resulted. Was this never-the-twain-shall-meet combination successful? The game’s single player aspect is much akin to celebrated Gamecube outing Metroid Prime and its sequels (which was probably plain from the big ol’ Metroid Prime in its title there). In this first-person adventure, the Galactic Federation receives an enigmatic message regarding an ‘ultimate power,’ supposedly concealed in the Alimbic system. This little billet doux is passed on to Samus in… Read More »
Game of the Week: Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate
Huzzah! After extensive perusal and/or enjoyment of the eShop’s demo (which recently afforded it a place in the hallowed halls of our Game of the Week entries, an exciting moment indeed for Mama Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate Demo, I don’t doubt. Apparently, she baked her son a celebratory cake to mark the occasion. Maybe it was chocolate. We just don’t know), the full game has finally deigned to arrive for 3DS and Wii U. Let’s take another look at Capcom’s beast-slaying magnum opus, as its painstaking quest to be noticed outside Japan continues. Monster Hunter aficionados will note that the plot of the previous installment (Wii’s Tri) returns largely unchanged. Which is to say, it’s in scant supply, as is the wont of the franchise…. Read More »
Game of the Week: Viewtiful Joe
Huzzah for the wacky funsters at Capcom, always propelling some manner of insanity into our eager gaming orifices (when they aren’t stamping out the flaming sacks of crap that have been left on the doorstep of their HQ by gamers whining about DLC shenanigans and so forth, anyway). Today, my brethren, behold Viewtiful Joe, the rather preposterous and retro-tastic scrolling beat ‘em up that surfaced on Nintendo’s Gamecube in 2003. Viewtiful Joe? I hear you shriek in your eternal chagrin, who in the name of Satan’s sweaty scrotal-region is that? I’ve never heard of him; perhaps because that name is so appalling I’m sorely tempted to punch my own ears, nose and throat right in the face. As to the latter, I can only agree… Read More »
Game of the Week: Dead Space 3
Dead Space 3 was unleashed upon PS3, Xbox 360 and PC last month. It is another iteration -yes, the third, number recognition aficionados! Excelsior to you! Have a cracker and a patronising pat on the head- of Visceral Games’ disconcertingly scary, gory, blood leaking on the shagpile carpet in the rumpus room-y futuristic TPS franchise. This installment has been infused with an array of new ideas, so let’s see if it compares favourably with its much-vaunted predecessors. Series stalwart Isaac Clarke reprises his protagonist role again. (This time, he has a craptacular beard, but that doesn’t have much influence on proceedings, so we shan’t mention it.) Three years after the harrowing events of Dead Space 2, two EarthGov soldiers encroach on Isaac’s apartment to coerce… Read More »
