Planet Nintendo, as we know, is the home of all things family-friendly. Theirs is a world in which your enemies cavort merrily to the background music (New Super Mario Bros.) and the very hills and clouds sport huge simpleton grins. To be recognised as Nintendo’s most ‘cutesy’ franchise, then, takes a creation of such relentlessly endearing, primary-coloured might that even Boy George would be heard to exclaim, “Holy hell! That’s too much camp!” Hold your nose, cork your buttocks and don a nice pair of fluffy pink earmuffs, because that creation is… Animal Crossing. This bizarre little confection is best defined as a life sim. It was born in 2001, an obscure, cult little The Sims-like experience. The premise is that our adorable young girl/boy… Read More »
Game of the Week: Men’s Room Mayhem
Have you ever played Flight Control and thought, sure, this is cool and all, but it totally needs more puddles of urine and/or an angry drunken biker-dude punching at the delicate facial region of a guy who was innocently washing his hands in a public toilet? Yes. Of course you have. Well, you demented individual, today’s entry in the pantheon of holders of the not-even-remotely-coveted Game of the Week award is for you. Men’s Room Mayhem is an oddity indeed; a little strategy confection which released on PlayStation Vita and the usual assortment of iDevices late last month (and was humorously described by gertlushgaming, prior to that, as ‘the much anticipated toilet gaming experience’). Its rudimentary line-drawing control system and flow of play places it… Read More »
Game of the Week: Nun Attack
Is there’s one popular comedic cliché I always enjoy, it’s nuns with guns. These women, I think we can all agree, don’t habitually (how’s that for a pun-tacular ballistic missile full of wit to the eyeball?) get to dispatch ghastly lumpen demons as often as space marines and suchlike. It’s a novelty. So when they do, you can expect such toon-tinged lunacy as Nun Attack. Which is what’s coming at you right now. The game was released for PSN on PlayStation Vita earlier this month, by the wacky funsters at Frima who brought us A Space Shooter for 2 Bucks! As with this earlier title, there’s a tongue-very-firmly-in-cheek-indeed humorous spirit throughout; in this harrowing tale of sisters betraying sisters who are also… Sisters. If you… Read More »
Game of the Week: Plague Inc.
As is usually the case with any genre, it’s the wont of strategy games to cast us as the goodly heroes. Brandishing our righteous sword of groin-smiting against all manner of dastardly demons from the depths of the Devil’s underpants is an entirely worthy cause, but it does grate. As such, there’s a delightful irony about the likes of Evil Genius and Dungeon Keeper, in which we can indulge our megolamaniacal fantasies as the villains of the piece. What we have not been able to do, thus far, is strive to anihilate the entire population of the Earth by gleefully spreading horrifying diseases across land, sea and air. Huzzah for Plague Inc., then, the most cringe-ily evil, malevolent video game since Telemarketer That Calls When… Read More »
Game of the Week: Pokémon Pearl
You may -and it’s an outside chance, certainly- be familiar with the success-ravening behemoth that is Pokémon. Should you cautiously thrust your head out from the confines of your urine-smelling hermit-cave, you’ll discover that these guys have permeated popular culture to an extent rivaled only by Harry Potter, Justin Bieber and other irritating little celebrity ballaches. The deft mix of accessibility and deceptive combat depth has encouraged all ages to indulge in the sport of kings (to wit: coercing lumpen mutated wildlife to pummel the groins of other lumpen mutated wildlife), and it is also this very quality that has earned this specific entry in the series the not-even-remotely-coveted Game of the Week award. Pokémon Pearl was released for the DS in 2007. As is… Read More »
Game of the Week: Wake-up Club
Yes indeed, my brethren! Cork your anus, hold your nose and try not to spontaneously cumbust with excitement at the prospect of Wake-up Club. How, prithee, has a humble alarm clock application made it into the hallowed halls of the Game of the Week entries? Because of the words I’m about to propel from the ballista of excitement straight into your eager eyeballs, that’s why. This odd little application is another entry in PlayStation Vita’s series of peculiar lifestyle downloads (alongside such strange shenanigans as Travel Bug and Ecolibrium). It is, quoth the developers on the game’s loading screen, an alarm application which allows club members to help each other wake up… a new way of communicating with others around the world. Because who hasn’t… Read More »
Game of the Week: Soul Sacrifice
In this installment, we have something perilously close to… an actual notable exclusive for PlayStation Vita (I know! Try and retain control of your sphincter at that crazy thought)! There can be no doubt that the console has been floundering almost as ineffectually as a simpleton fish after a fin-ectomy of late. This is largely due to the great dearth of balls-out, only on PlayStation Vita mighty wonder-games. Is Soul Sacrifice a true ‘killer app’ for the Vita? Join us for a look at this creepy tale. This youthful, spritely title was released this very week by Marvellous AQL. It’s a loosely-defined action RPG (loose enough to damn well drop right off and roll under the desk, never to be seen again, come to that,… Read More »
Game of the Week: Retro City Rampage
Retro City Rampage harkens back to the carefree days of yore, when Grand Theft Auto consisted of mangling tiny, indistinct Elvis impersonators ‘neath the mighty wheels of your blurry Volkswagen Beetle. It’s a top-down-y, free-roam-y crime ‘em up, an 8-bit homage to Rockstar’s much-ballyhooed franchise. Cork your buttocks, grab your prostitute-bat, and let’s take a look. This extravaganza of parodies was released by Vblank entertainment last year, for each of the consoles’ download services. It brings us the story of an anonymous, mulleted (this being a mockery of eighties and nineties culture as well) miscreant, dubbed only ‘The Player.’ As you would expect of the game’s Grand Theft Auto mocking sensibilities, there is a sandbox city at your disposal, with missions to access as you… Read More »
Game of the Week: Tekken 3
I’d venture that Tekken is among the most acclaimed franchises in the Fightingsphere. In the popularity stakes, it has been in an eternal state of mutual fist-to-the-groin rivalry with Street Fighter since the Nineties. The third installment of the former, a PlayStation release from 1998, is most certainly my favourite; and frequently regarded as the pinnacle of the series. Why? Gorge yourself on the glorious word-ery assembled before your very eyeballs below, and you’ll know. It didn’t attain its much-ballyhooed status for its story, that’s for sure (not that any fighting game ever has, but we shan’t get pernickety there). Another Iron Fist Tournament is afoot, against a demented backdrop of the Michima family’s antics. This time, Heihachi is cruising about in an ancient ruin… Read More »
Game of the Week: Luigi’s Mansion- Dark Moon
You may recall Luigi’s Mansion, a rather odd little confection from the Gamecube’s launch (you had better, at any rate, lest I encroach on your home in the witching hour and smite your gonads with a trowel for your lack of respect for Nintendo’s cult classics). It was hardly the much-ballyhooed next generation Mushroom Kingdom caper that many may have hoped for from the new console, and it could be beaten in a few fleeting hours, but it was a revelation nonetheless. Hideous ballaches like Mario is Missing aside, Luigi’s Mansion marked his first foray into territory wildly disparate from anything Mario has done. A halfwitted green palette swap he is not. Any more. After a decade of prayer, general internet whining and flaming sacks… Read More »
